So you’ve seen 50 Shades of Grey and think you’re ready to explore bondage. First of all, congratulations. It doesn’t matter how you discover bondage, the important thing is that you’re ready to try something new in the bedroom.
Before you whip out the silk ropes and hog tie your partner to the bed, there are a few things you need to consider…
Bondage is a subculture of BDSM, which stands for Bondage/Discipline Domination/Submission Sadism/Masochism, although you may see it referred to as Bondage, Discipline, Sadism and Masochism.
It is the practice of consensually binding an individual for sexual gratification, power play and visual stimulation. Bondage may make up part of a sex game or fantasy, or it can be used to heighten the senses. For example, a blindfold is the most simple form of bondage.
Other popular bondage accessories include cuffs, ropes or bondage tape. Bondage may be used to keep body parts together, in the case of an arm-binder, or it can be used to force body parts apart, like a leg spreader.
The first thing you need to do is have a conversation with your partner to make sure that they are on board. Bondage requires a dominant and a submissive party and both need to feel comfortable with the arrangement. Bondage isn’t something you should try to force on your partner if they are reluctant. However, they might be willing to explore light bondage such as hand tying or blindfolds.
The best place to get started is to explore your boundaries and limits with your partner. Be honest and open with one another about what you might like to try. Bondage is all about dominance and submission, but this doesn’t mean that the dominant party gets to choose everything that happens. Everything should be planned and agreed in advance. In many ways, the submissive party is actually the one in control.
Never start any scenario without choosing a safe word. Make it something completely unrelated to what is happening. Safe words can be used to convey different levels of discomfort. For example, one word could stop the scenario completely, another could initiate a pause and another could change direction of play. Just make sure you have a mechanism in place before you start any scenario.
If you are using binding ropes or bondage tape, make sure you keep a pair of safety scissors to hand. If something goes wrong or if the submissive party uses a safe word then you can quickly release them. EMT scissors have plastic tips and an angled head with allows you to quickly get underneath ropes and tape without hurting the person’s skin.
Before trying a new bondage position, make sure you are aware of the risks. Some positions can put pressure on nerves or lead to a drop in blood pressure which causes fainting. Others can cause something known as postural asphyxia which can be fatal. This is one reason that staying sober is essential to safe bondage play.
Once you have the basics of binding and controlling your partner down, you can then take it to the next level. Orgasm control is a highly erotic form of bondage that involves denied orgasm which can drive your partner wild.
When it involves the penis, it is usually referred to as edging. It involves bringing your partner to the brink of orgasm and then stopping abruptly. Good things come to those who wait, so get ready for an earth shattering orgasm when your partner finally takes it all the way.
If you and your partner decide bondage is right for you, you might want to explore bondage furniture and larger accessories. You could start with some simple bed restraints which slip under your mattress and allow you to restrain your partner’s hands and feet. You could also explore over the door hooks, which will allow you to restrain your partner’s hands.
When things get more advanced, you might want to explore body harnesses which can be used in a number of ways to bind and restrain. There are also accessories which can help introduce pain play into the mix, including nipple clamps, labia clamps or whips and paddles.
