sex life after having children

New parents have to say goodbye to a lot of things. Late night drinks with friends and a Sunday morning lie-in are probably top of the list of things you’ll miss the most. But your sex life shouldn’t be something you say goodbye to, just because you decided to have children. 

Keeping your sex life alive is not only great for your mental wellbeing, but it also helps to keep you connected as a couple. Parenting is a full-time job and it will consume a large part of your life until your kids start school. Rather than letting it drive you apart, use it as a reminder of why you are together. In this article, we’re going to look at some ways you can get back in the saddle after having kids and how you can make sure procreating doesn’t mark the end of your sex life.

Keeping your sex life alive after becoming parents

The first step is talking about it. Making sure your partner knows that this is important to you is the best place to start. Once you’ve had an honest conversation about your priorities, you can then start to look for ways to be more intimate.

Take your time

Having sex for the first time after having kids is going to be different for everyone. Your doctor will tell you when it’s safe to try again, but only you will know when you’re ready. Everyone recovers and arrives at this place at their own speed, so remember there is no “normal”. Take your time and listen to your body, you’ll know when you’re ready.

Embrace the quickie

You might not have all evening to wine and dine your partner. Candles, music and massages might have to wait. You might only have a 15-minute window when the baby is asleep and you’re both awake enough to consider getting busy. Embrace the thrill of a quickie and don’t be afraid that this will erode your intimacy. As a new parent, you’ll soon learn that “done” is better than “perfect”.

Ask for help

Need a night off? Don’t be afraid to ask for help from those around you. They don’t have to know that you want an evening of quiet intimacy with your partner. They’ll just assume you’re going to catch up on sleep. You’ll be surrounded by people who can’t wait to spend time with your little cherub, so don’t be afraid to lean on these people for support.

The dishes can wait

When you finally have a moment alone together, don’t prioritise housework. This can all wait. It might be annoying to live with a sink full of dishes, but things don’t have to be perfect all the time. If intimacy with your partner is important to you, it’s time to make it a priority. And it should certainly land somewhere above household chores.

Share the load

Nothing will kill a person’s sex drive quite like feeling they’re doing the lion’s share of the housework. Bringing a child into the world is hard work, and both parents need to pull their weight. Sharing the housework is a surefire way to make sure you can get your sex life back on track. When you get everything done faster, this leaves more time for slinking off to the bedroom for a quiet moment together.

Stay connected

Being intimate doesn’t always have to mean knocking boots. There are many ways to stay intimate with your partner that have nothing to do with sex. The most important thing is that you remain open and communicative, so you don’t turn into housemates with a child. If you need a little high tech help, why not try a smart sex toy to get you in the mood, even when you can’t be in the same place. 

Make a schedule

It might not sound very sexy, but scheduling sex is sexier than no sex at all. If spontaneity doesn’t work for you because you never find the time, try scheduling it instead. Once you’ve set a date and a time, do everything you can to protect this time. Sending a few flirty messages throughout the day can ramp up the drama and make it seem less regimented. 

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