first dates

First dates can be thrilling when they go well (and horrifying when they don’t) – you feel a connection with someone, you click, and they are all you can think about.  But it is easy to blow it after the first date before you even see them again if you give in to those urges.  So here are some things not to do after the first date to increase the chances of there being a second one.

Don’t go nuts on contacting them

Whether it is by text, instant message, WhatsApp or whatever, don’t go nuts contacting them.  When we meet someone, a hormone called oxytocin comes into action and this can remove some of the restraint that we normally have around others.  This can make you feel like you need to text them every ten minutes, IM them every half an hour and tell them everything.

Be choosy in what you say

When you do contact them, be choosy about what you say.  For example, if you had a fun conversation about Adult Toys for Him & Her during the date and your date was a sexually confident person who isn’t afraid to talk about this stuff, then it’s okay to make jokes about these things.  But if they were a little more cautious or restrained, don’t start chatting about your favourite style of lingerie.

Don’t chase them around social media

Social media has brought a new dimension to dating and another layer of complexity for daters!  Don’t be tempted to add the date as a Facebook friend, follow them on Twitter, invite them to your Pinterest boards and everything at first.  Mention that you like whatever social media site best and if they agree, you can suggest connecting but don’t go overboard.

Don’t stop talking to everyone else

Those hormones can also lead you to get a little obsessed with the new person but don’t cut yourself off from other dating options until you know it is going somewhere.  If you both decided not to date anyone else until you see what happens, then fine but if you already had another date, you might want to consider keeping this.  One date a marriage does not make!

Don’t play coy or clever

While too much contact can be a bad thing, too little can also work against you.  Don’t play coy or hard to get as this won’t make you seem more desirable or make them keener – it will likely just put people off.  If you say you will text or message at a certain time or date, make sure you do it.  Or if you miss a message, start with a quick ‘sorry I was working’ or whatever to let them know you weren’t playing games.

Don’t be too pessimistic

While those hormones might make some of us go a bit hyper on the whole relationship business, others go in the opposite direction.  They look for negatives or potential problems – try not to do this!  After one date, unless it was a really bad one, then just take it easy and don’t assume things are going to go bad!  

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