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Everything You Ever Wanted to Know About Oral Sex

April 11, 2023
By, laura

Oral sex isn’t something new. We’ve been doing it for generations, with depictions of oral sex appearing in erotic frescoes from 79 AD in the buried city of Pompei. The Kama Sutra also offers some suggestions for how to orally pleasure your partner.

While you might think you’ve got this particular skill mastered, there is always more you can learn about pleasuring your partner. And there’s also a lot to learn about learning how to receive oral sex, too.

So, let’s get started exploring this particular branch of sexual activity. We’ll explore what it is, how to do it, how to receive it, and banish any myths about what you should or shouldn’t do. We’ll also look at the safety aspect, to ensure that you can practise safe oral sex.

What is oral sex?

Oral sex is the act of giving pleasure to the genitals or anus using the mouth, lips and tongue. This can involve kissing, sucking, licking, blowing or penetrating with the tongue. The object is usually the penis, testicles, vagina, vulva, clitoris or anus. Oral sex is a popular form of foreplay, with many couples using this as a way to increase intimacy and arousal.

How do you give oral sex to a person with a clitoris?

The clitoris is only one area you should be focusing on when giving oral sex to someone with this particular anatomy. The clitoris is a small bundle of nerves that can lead to climax when stimulated, but remember that not everyone can reach climax from clitoral stimulation alone. Some people need a combination of penetrative stimulation to make this work for them.

Everyone is different, and what works for one person might not work for another person. In general, anticipation is the key to excellent oral sex. This could mean kissing and licking everywhere but the clitoris, or starting over the underwear to diminish the sensation.

Launching straight into direct clitoral stimulation can be too much for a lot of people, so try to build up slowly. This can include touching, kissing, and even blowing on them, focusing on everything but the clitoris to get started.

You can then start to slowly tease the clit with just the tip of the tongue, paying close attention to your partner’s reactions. Suction can also feel incredible, so don’t be afraid to close your lips and gently suck.

You can also consider penetration while you are playing. This could mean a finger or two, or you could use a vibrating toy. From this angle, you should be able to hit the G spot by inserting your fingers palm up and hooking your fingers up towards the belly button to find the spongy G spot.

Listening to feedback and body language is essential when giving oral sex. And consistency is usually key. If they say something feels good, keep doing the exact same thing, don’t speed up or change pressure.

What is the best position to give oral sex?

The most obvious position is with your partner on their back and you between their legs, but there are some other ways you can try this.

  • Your partner can sit in a chair and scoot down so their bum is just over the edge. They rest their legs on your back and you can hold their thighs with your hands.
  • You lie on your back and your partner sits on your face. The key here is that they don’t actually sit down, they hover in place. This can be a killer on their thighs, but it does offer enhanced control.
  • Doggy style offers a unique approach that can also allow you to explore rimming – more on that later.
  • And obviously, you can also try 69, which will allow you to give and receive at the same time.

How do you give oral sex to a person with a penis?

Porn has given oral sex a bad reputation, with many men believing that the end goal is to deep throat without gagging. Since most people have a gag reflex and are unlikely to want to try to suppress it, there are better ways to give oral sex to a person with a penis.

What works for one person might not work for another, so don’t be deterred if your failsafe routine doesn’t work with a new partner. You simply need to explore different things to determine what makes your partner tick.

Being aware of their reactions and making notes about what they love is essential if you want to give them mind-blowing oral sex.

When giving oral sex to a person with a penis, you want to focus on the shaft, the testicles, the perineum, the frenulum, the meatus and the head. With so many areas to focus on, you can switch things up and try different things to figure out what works for your partner.

Licking the shaft with long, lingering licks is a great place to start. You can also draw circles around the meatus and run your lips over the frenulum.

While all of this is going on, you can also hold the testicles and apply pressure to the perineum. You can also build anticipation by kissing their thighs and licking/ sucking the testicles.

You don’t have to deep throat if you don’t want to, and it’s easy enough to fake the sensation by pushing it into the side of your mouth and letting your cheek create the sensation of depth.

What is the best position to give oral sex?

In porn, you’ll be most familiar with the standing position while the partner kneels in front. But there are far more ways that will offer better control and new angles.

You can try lying on the bed with your head over the edge and let your partner slip it in your mouth. They’ll have some control over the movement, and since you’ll have a mouthful, you might need to come up with a hand signal in place of a safe word.

You can also have your partner lie back and you straddle one leg, or simply rely on classic 69.

What is rimming?

Once you’ve mastered oral sex, you might be curious to explore rimming. This is the act of licking, penetrating with the tongue, kissing or sucking the anus. This can be a big leap forward in a relationship, but some people really love giving and receiving anilingus.

A little bit of prep is advised, and this can mean hopping in the shower, or it could mean a full waxing appointment. You’re free to decide the level of preparation you require.

If you want to be extra clean, you could also explore an anal douche, which will also clean the inside. This can be a great preparation for anal sex.

There aren’t really any rules for rimming, just that everything needs to be approved by your partner. Make sure they are on board before you go ahead, and stop if anything doesn’t feel great.

Using a flavoured lube can help to hide some of the flavours and smells you might be nervous about, and will also help everything to slide more easily. Like with most sexual adventures, the journey is often just as exciting as the destination. You can take your time and build anticipation.

Just remember not to go from anal to other parts of the body. If you plan to do this, you’ll need to use a barrier method such as a dental dam.

Best positions for anilingus

To give you the best angle and access, you can try facesitting, or have them lie on their back with a pillow under their bum to give you better access. Doggy style is also a popular choice. Or, you can even try 69.

Common concerns about oral sex

Not everyone loves oral sex, and this is perfectly fine. Sometimes it can take you longer to feel relaxed, but there are some concerns that might be floating around in your mind that have no benefit. Once you can banish these doubts, you might be able to find oral sex a lot more enjoyable.

I can’t seem to relax

Oral sex is different for everyone, and some people just don’t enjoy it. If you can’t relax because you’re worried about your smell, taste, or appearance, remember that your partner is down there willingly. There is a good chance they don’t share your concerns and just want you to be able to enjoy the ride.

What if I’m not clean?

Worries about hygiene can leave you feeling distracted and completely unsexy. The solution? Hop in the shower beforehand and give everything a good scrub. Everyone has a natural smell and no one smells like roses, so banish those intrusive thoughts that are making you feel like you need to have a neutral smell.

What if I taste weird?

Your PH level can change throughout the month leading to changes in your taste. And prostate fluid in semen can be produced weeks or even months before it is expelled, so the idea that you can determine what you taste like by changing your diet is a bit of a myth. Trust that your partner is on board and isn’t going to judge you for anything so minor.

How much feedback should I give?

Most feedback during oral sex is involuntary, meaning that your partner will know if you’re having a good time. But you can gently guide them and let them know what works for you if you like. Barking orders might be a turn off for a lot of people, but gently letting them know what works and what doesn’t can be very helpful.

What if I just don’t like it?

Some people just don’t like oral sex, and that’s fine. Maybe you don’t have a lot of experience, you had a bad experience, or you’ve had plenty of experience and know what you like. Talk this through with your partner if oral sex is important to them.

How do you stay healthy while giving oral sex?

The only way to have truly safe oral sex is to wrap it up. This will help to prevent STIs and is recommended for all new sexual partners. If you are in a committed relationship and have both been tested, then you’re good to go. You can also use barrier methods such as dental dams to provide protection.

Regular testing is advised if you are switching partners. You should request a full screening, including a throat swab and anal swab, if you are sexually active in this way.

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