In an age of instant communication, it’s easier than ever to feel connected to your partner. The foreplay never has to stop when you learn the art of sexting. While it might feel awkward to start with, you’ll soon start to enjoy the anticipation and build-up.
You don’t have to be a wordsmith to succeed with sexting. No one cares if you’re writing an erotic masterpiece. You’d be surprised how much you can achieve with very little. All you need is a little bit of inspiration and confidence. And the best part about sexting is that you can fake it till you make it. A few choice phrases will help to get the conversation started, and then you can tease your way right up to your next meeting.
In this guide, we’ll explore why you should add sexting to your foreplay routine, some samples to get you started and essential etiquette to consider. Let’s get started…
Sexting is one of the best forms of foreplay as it can get started anytime, anywhere. You can build anticipation, set the scene and get turned on before you’re even in the same room. Here are just some of the benefits you can enjoy with sexting:
There are many reasons to consider sexting, provided both parties are on board and excited about it. Some people visible cringe at the thought of putting their sexual desires into words, so don’t force it if your partner isn’t on board.
Read on to learn a few choice phrases you can use to get your partner’s heart racing before your next encounter.
If you’re struggling to come up with something sexy to send the man in your life, try these saucy little snippets. While men are typically turned on by visual cues and women enjoy written cues, you can be confident that these messages will get him hot under the collar. The trick is to paint a picture with your words so he can imagine exactly what is going to happen.
If you want to further demonstrate your point, try sending a sexy GIF. Proceed with caution, however, if you know they’re at work, as this could land them in hot water.
When sexting a woman, lay on the compliments and amp up the desire. The goal here is to make her feel like the only woman in the world. Creating a scenario that you want to act out is also a great way to start building anticipation for what is to come.
If you’re not feeling very confident with your sexting abilities, or you don’t express yourself very well with your partner, then there are a few tame openers you can try. This will allow you to ease into sexting and decide if it’s right for you.
Not everyone is turned on by sexting, and you should never feel pressured into doing something just because your partner enjoys it. For some people, the cringe factor is too high, and this overtakes any kind of pleasure they might get from it. If you’re shy but willing to explore, try these tame openers…
With these sexts, you put the ball in their court so you can let them take the lead, which is perfect if you’re feeling a little shy. But remember, sexting can help you to feel a little bolder, so don’t be afraid to hit send on something a little more risque.
When you’ve just started seeing someone new, everything is bold and exciting, and you want to keep the sparks flying. But, you might not know each other very well yet, and there is always the fear that you’ll say the wrong thing or take it too far. You also don’t have a lot of shared history, so it’s difficult to tap into any memories. So, what’s a person to do when they want to test the waters without scaring off their potential new bae? Try these sexting openers to see if your new partner is on the same page:
With these sexts, you’re building anticipation and desire between meetings. However, tread carefully with new relationships. You need to make sure you’re also building an emotional connection and don’t want your partner to think you’re just after one thing.
When you’ve been together for a while, your messages might have stopped being quite so dirty and have settled into being more practical. So, how do you break the cycle of texting about picking up milk on your way home and start injecting a little more passion into your exchanges?
The key here is to lean on your history. You might not have the spark that comes with new love, but you do have a rich history of saucy encounters, so use these to your advantage. You don’t have to ask your partner to imagine what you might do to them, you get to remind your partner what you’ve already done to them. Try these sexts to inject a little passion into a long-term relationship.
A text like this out of the blue will bring some much-needed passion to a long-term relationship. And if you’re in a bit of a dry spell, this is a great way to reignite the passion.
Not everyone enjoys sexting, and that’s ok. It’s important to be respectful of those who don’t want to sext, but the person who isn’t interested should also be cautious of their partner's feelings.
If one partner puts themselves out there with a saucy text and then gets knocked back or ignored, this could damage their confidence. This is why it’s important to decide your own ground rules on sexting.
If you decide you want to sext, you can also decide when it’s acceptable. Perhaps you don’t want to be distracted in this way while you’re at work. Or you’d prefer to be left alone when you’re with your friends or family.
Some people also like to set boundaries on the nature of the sexts. For example, maybe you are ok with words but don’t want pictures. Pictures can be tricky as they may be saved to a person’s phone which could land them in hot water if they are scrolling through photos with someone else around.
And finally, you should also have a safe word if one person is getting carried away. This can also be helpful if one person isn’t feeling it in the moment, but doesn’t want to shut it down forever. Agreeing on a safe word will help to protect your boundaries and prevent anyone from getting hurt.
What is and what isn’t acceptable to you should be decided between couples, but there are a few general rules you also need to follow. Sexting might seem like a distant and easy act, but it is still very intimate, so it’s important to treat this as an extension of your sex life. Here are a few dos and don’ts to consider…
The foundation of any sexual act should always be consent. And you should have their continued consent. Check in occasionally to make sure your partner is happy to receive dirty texts and communicate how you both feel about the contents. Just because they were happy to receive a sext one time, it doesn’t mean that you have ongoing permission to continue sending them.
If you get a sext and you aren’t completely comfortable with it, don’t just ignore it. This runs the risk of hurting your partner’s feelings and making them feel ashamed of their actions.
They might have sent the text with the best possible intentions, and you need to be respectful of this. If you're not comfortable with sexting, just say so. You can turn the conversation in another direction, turn down the heat, or just say you aren’t comfortable sending dirty messages.
Of course, this only applies to sexting between partners in a relationship. If you are receiving unwanted sexts, you can ignore them and block them as required.
This is a great time to boost their confidence and make them feel wanted and desired. You don’t have to be sexually explicit in your texts, you can simply highlight the things you love about your partner.
A key part of sexting is the intimacy that it builds between two people. And this will be shattered if you share this with anyone around you. While you might want to brag to your friends about how sexy the chat is getting, don’t even think about sending a screenshot or letting anyone else see your phone.
If you’re a little shy about suggesting new things, then sexting can provide the perfect cover to allow you to introduce some new scenarios and fantasies. If you’ve always been curious about a certain kink, now is the time to share. You might float the idea of control play, bringing toys into the bedroom, trying a new position, or having sex somewhere unconventional.
So your partner loves sexting. Good for them. It doesn’t mean that you have to also. You need to be able to set boundaries in your relationship and say no to things that make you uncomfortable. So, while being open-minded to exploring new things is a good thing, you should also have the opportunity to shut down anything that doesn’t make you feel good. Sexting is supposed to be enjoyable, so if you’re not having fun, it’s time to try something else.
Sexting is supposed to be a prelude to intimate contact, so there’s little point in setting up unrealistic expectations. Don’t describe wild fantasies that you’re immediately going to shut down. You don’t have to be particularly dirty in your texts to have the right effect; sometimes simple messages are more effective. So be honest and realistic in your texts for maximum impact.
Communication is essential in any relationship, and being able to communicate about how you communicate is an important skill to develop. Discussing how you can make your sexting better and more enjoyable for both parties is a great place to start. Being open and honest with one another will also help to ensure you have healthy boundaries.
If you’ve never sexted with your partner before, proceed with caution, and be prepared to shut it down if they aren’t into it. Not everyone enjoys expressing themselves in this way, but it can be liberating for those who struggle to talk dirty in person. Sexting gives them a bit of distance and freedom to explore dirty desires without the pressure of having someone else in the room.
Start with something flirty but not too intense to help break the ice. You’ll know from their response if they are interested in taking it any further. You can also have a conversation about whether or not sexting is something they are interested in trying. Being direct and seeking consent is one of the best ways to make sure that your messages will be well-received.
Using the green light, yellow light and red light system in your relationship is a great way to determine if something works for you. Green light means go, yellow light means proceed cautiously, and red light is a unanimous no.
If you’re on the receiving end of a sext and you don’t feel comfortable, you have a few options. If you’re in a relationship with the person sending the sext, be delicate with their feelings. It may have taken a lot for them to pluck up the courage to send the sext, so don’t just ignore it. You should also avoid shaming them for their decision to send a sext. Instead, simply say that you’re not comfortable sending dirty texts, but that you can’t wait to see them in person.
If you don’t know the person and they are trying to initiate contact through sexting, you don’t owe them a response. If it’s someone you would like to get to know, set clear boundaries about how you would like to communicate with them. Sexting doesn’t have to be off the tables for good, but you might want to rule it out in the early stages.
