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Orgasm control: forced versus denied orgasm

April 11, 2023
By, laura

Handing over control to a partner that you love and trust can be incredibly hot. It’s empowering to both parties, provided it is handled with respect and you practise good aftercare. Once you have brought things like restraints and Dom/sub play into the bedroom, the natural progression is often towards orgasm play and control. Learn more about uncovering your kink here.

What is orgasm control?

This is a seriously hot aspect of control play that involves either forcing a person to involuntary climax, or denying them this pleasure. Taking control of how and when a person can climax can bring you together as a couple and increase the emotional bond, but this type of play needs to be handled with care.

You can explore orgasm denial on your own during masturbation. It is often known as edging, peaking or surfing. This play involves stimulating yourself to the point or orgasm and then stopping. But orgasm control is more often used as part of a BDSM or power play scenario.

Orgasm control can be split into two categories: forced orgasm and denied orgasm. The two are not related, and just because a person enjoys one, it doesn’t always mean they will enjoy the other. 

In this guide, we’ll explore what this type of play means and how you can introduce it safely into the bedroom.

Why do people do this?

To put it simply, this is just another form of power play. Some people like to hand over control and some people like to take control. Being submissive in the bedroom doesn’t have to mean that you are a submissive personality type. It can be fun to explore new power dynamics in the bedroom and assume a new role.

When explored with the right intentions, this type of power play can improve intimacy, communication and improve trust in a relationship. And of course, it can also allow you both to enjoy intense pleasure.

Sounds great, how do I do it?

The first thing you need to do is discuss with your partner to find out if it is even something they might enjoy. Consent is the cornerstone of all BDSM play. Even if it might seem like one party is taking control, it is always given with consent.

Let’s explore each type of power play in turn…

What is orgasm denial?

This is sometimes known as edging, and it involves putting a person in a heightened sense of arousal and then stopping all stimulation if they come close to climax. This can be done over and over again to increase the tension, before finally allowing the sub to climax. 

People love it because it builds tension and then when this is finally released, it can feel more intense than the initial climax would have. If sex is starting to feel routine, this can be a great way to spice things up.

What is forced orgasm?

With forced orgasm, the sub is typically restrained and then stimulated to the point where they orgasm, often against their will. By actively trying not to orgasm, they can add to the power play and make this more fun for everyone involved.

People love this because it can be very arousing to see someone have an intense orgasm that has been forced on them by continued stimulation. If the sub is capable of multiple orgasms, they can be forced to climax multiple times in a single session, and each one will typically be stronger than the previous.

Aftercare for BDSM play

Perhaps the most important aspect of BDSM play is the aftercare. The sub can feel very overwhelmed by feelings after they have been restrained, forced into orgasm, or denied orgasm for an extended period. This isn’t something you should try to fit in before work and then get on with your day.

After sex, you need to find a way to reconnect. Many couples simply like to practise cuddling after intense BDSM play to rebuild that connection and bring everyone back into the room. Talking about what happened and how everyone felt is also important. 

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