When you first start a relationship, it is very exciting – that newness, doing everything together for the first time. The romance of it can make everything seem shiny and bright and there are no limits. But can you go too fast in a new relationship?
One of the first things to say about the whole question of moving too quickly or diving into the relationship too fast is that you might not be the best judge of it. Often when we are caught up in the first stages of a romance, nothing about it seems bad, negative or even worrying. We see the world through those rose-tinted glasses and our new partner seems like the perfect person.
If a friend or relative comes to you and starts asking questions about going too fast, don’t dismiss them. Remember, they can see your relationship from an outside view that might help see through that warm, fuzzy haze and highlight potential issues you need to deal with.
We have instincts that are deep within our psyche that we don’t always understand or don’t make sense but are there. Fight or flight is a classic example – the body and brain responding to a potential threat and acting to protect itself. Many other instincts or gut feelings can come into life at different stages – you meet someone, and you just don’t quite like them for some reason. Or someone tells you something and you don’t really believe it, even though they seem sincere.
When it comes to relationships, you can also listen to your gut instinct. Your heart may tell you this person is ‘the one’ but try to listen to your instincts as well. The same applies to the speed the relationship is moving.
It is hard to say in the early days if you are really compatible but as you spend more time together, you will start to get a feeling for things. It can be simple things – you want kids, but they don’t. They want to travel for six months but you want to concentrate on your career. It can be subtle things within the relationship such as ideas about sex – you like Adult Sex Toys for Her to spice up things in the bedroom, but your partner is very old-fashioned.
Any of these can be signs that you might not be compatible. Sure, you can work on things, adapt your ideas and learn something new. Being in a relationship is about compromise and working together but watch out for the kind of things that might show a serious problem.
Another sign you might be moving too fast is if you are losing touch with friends or family due to spending so much time with your new partner. It is good to have time apart and you should never abandon those closest to you for them – after all, what happens if the relationship doesn’t work?
Similarly, don’t give up your hobbies and interests just to pursue theirs – it needs to be give and take. Share interests and have time for your own things within the relationship or this will lead to resentment down the line.
If you find yourself idolising your partner or putting them on a pedestal, be careful – or if they are doing the same with you. You never know someone completely at first and if you put them at too lofty a position, all they can do is fall and disappoint you. This can be a classic sign of moving too fast.