You’re laying in bed with your significant other. They start to initiate dirty talk. And your mind goes completely blank. Does this sound like you? Whether it’s over text, on the phone or in person, dirty talk doesn’t come naturally to everyone. But like any skill in the bedroom, it’s something you can learn with a little bit of practice.
It goes without saying that you have to decide if this is even something you want. Not everyone enjoys dirty talk, so don’t be afraid to set a boundary if this isn’t something you are comfortable with. Don’t feel pressured into dirty talk just because it’s something that your partner wants. But if you’re keen to add a new dimension to your relationship, read on to learn how to make it a reality.
Dirty talk is just one of the many ways you can spark your imagination and turn yourself and your partner on. Some people are more visual and use porn to explore their desires, but for some people, words are enough.
Talking dirty is a great way to explore your fantasies in a safe place and bring up the things you might want to try in bed but are too afraid to ask for. It’s also an excellent way to build intimacy and trust between you and your partner.
Dirty talk is also excellent foreplay. If you want to keep the spark alive, sending a few dirty texts throughout the day is an incredible way to let your partner know you are thinking about them.
There are a number of reasons you might struggle to talk dirty. Some people just feel silly. If you aren’t a naturally flirty or dirty person, it can feel like you are taking on a role that doesn’t feel natural to you. In this case, you just need a little confidence boost to bring you out of your shell.
Some people just lack the imagination or insight to know what to say. If this sounds like you, then you just need to find inspiration and learn what phrases and words feel natural to you.
And finally, some people might fear they will reveal too much about themselves. If you’re scared to talk dirty out of fear of judgement, then building intimacy and trust in your relationship will allow you to open up without feeling judged.
Talking dirty doesn’t come naturally to everyone, so be easy on yourself if you need to spend a little time getting comfortable with it. Here are some tips for getting started:
First of all, set the ground rules with your partner. Firing off a saucy text while they are in an important meeting might be an obvious problem for some people, but others might enjoy the risk.
If you’re nervous about initiating for the first time, try sending text messages before you try it in the bedroom. This is a great way to build anticipation.
There are a few simple phrases you can use and fill in the blanks to make it personal to you.
I can’t stop thinking about you…
Remember when we…
I can’t wait for you to…
I’ve been wanting to try this in the bedroom, what do you think of…
I want to taste your…
I want you to cum all over my…
In the heat of the moment, you or your partner might say something awkward or unusual. There needs to be a no-laughter rule – unless you both find it amusing. Laughing at your partner when they are emotionally vulnerable is the quickest way to shut down the chance of any intimacy.
You also need to avoid any judgement. Your partner’s fantasies are something that should be protected and not judged. If you discover they are into something you find morally objectionable, then it might be time to rethink your relationship. But if they just have some unusual kinks, then it’s time to put away your judgement and find out more about what makes them tick.
Imagine dirty talk is a time to assume a new identity. This new you is more confident and adventurous in the bedroom. Use this time to explore any fantasies that you might have, safe in the knowledge that they are just fantasies. You aren’t committing to anything, you’re just exploring how certain things might turn you on.
Sharing fantasies isn’t something that is a one-for-one exchange. Just because you have shared, it doesn’t mean you are entitled to one from them. Be flexible and patient with your partner if they take a little longer to warm up.
Using dirty texts to build anticipation all day is an excellent form of foreplay. Make time to reconnect and talk about what you’ve shared and then see which fantasies you’d like to make a reality.
